Sunday , January 31

     Ahhh Sunday!  After coffee and chatting, then making plans for the day,  this would have been a day we spent outside. It was warmer, in the upper 20's. We probably would have worked in his tool shed. Moving things, cleaning, making plans. Of course there would have been a trip to Lowes. Too nice a day to not go somewhere. We always parked in the same place on the side of the building, far away from other traffic. He always walked faster than me, longer strides, so I doubled my pace to keep up. I can close my eyes and see him now. Half a step in front of me, on my left. He would reach his hand back with outstretched fingers waiting for me to slide my hand into his. His fingers wrapping around my hand so I barely had to hold on. 
     We would take our time, peruse the aisles as if they were full of things we had never seen before. We would wander the cabinet department, talking about what we would like to have, the styles and features. Then find ourselves in the tools. Looking at the newest gadgets. It would have been a good day. As was any day spent with him. 
     We did talk today. Careful not to ask too many questions. Let him talk. Be cheerful. Hope he will ask about me. Hope to get tossed a bit of tenderness. Try to keep him on the phone for as long as possible. I am  confused, drifting. The time went to fast. I was not done getting to know him. Fifteen years, not enough. My heart hurts. My world hurts.